"Can it be a mistake that STRESSED is DESSERTS spelled backwards ??" Unknown

This past weekend was beautiful outside and for the most part very relaxing! My best friend from College stayed over with us, it was great to be able to hang out with her! My husband has Saturdays off during the summer so we decided to wake up early and go to the beach in RI. I feel like the list of things that you have to take to the beach is never ending when you have kids, and of course things were forgotten, like the towels to lay on! So once we hit Providence we attempted to get off the highway to go to a CVS or something to pick up some towels, of course in doing so we got lost, and not only that, but my husband had to use the bathroom really bad.  He was not just irritated that he was lost and had to stop to get towels, but on top of that he had to number two, and he had to go really bad. Finally after being lost for an hour, we got to the mall, where instead of parking in the parking lot, my husband stopped in the entrance of parking lot, put his hazards on and RAN into the mall...20 minutes later, we had 5 towels ($12 dollars each, insanity right?), a calmer husband and were on our way to the beach 1.5 hours behind schedule. Parking is always an issue when going to the beach, that of course added another 20 minutes before we actually got onto the beach.  We walk towards the entrance to go in and relax, and are stopped by a girl who said it's $6 per person to go on the beach! What in the world?! My husband almost had a fit, but I was not about to have driven over an hour and a half (with detours) not to go to the beach!
Even with the frustrating pre-beach experience, it was so nice to sit out in the sun with the people I love most! If I wasn't keeping my families identity private to the outside world I would post pictures! Gino is not really a fan of going into the ocean past his knees, so he generally hangs out on the beach and digs and makes castles.  Deezy however, as I feared, is fearless! My husband and my BF beasted it and went INTO the water! And who was close behind you ask? Deezy was running (waddling really) towards the water as fast as he could, and went in (not all the way) with Daddy! The child is fearless, which in turn terrifies me, he may be a pretty serious handful when he is older. The water was far too cold for me, and I don't like to go in where I can't #1 see the bottom and #2 can't touch the ground.  I am a horrible swimmer, the extent of my skills is a fancy doggy paddle, my husband however is an amazing swimmer, which makes me feel better. The day was not as long on the beach as I would have liked, we were later than we would have liked and then it got a little breezy and the kiddies got cold, so of course, the tan I had hoped for was non-existent! But a gorgeous day with my loves non the less.

"Live in the sunshine, swim the sea, drink the wild air...." Ralph Waldo Emerson

P90X has been not existent in my life the past few days, and now I feel like a bum! I was on a role for a while, then came all the "distractions"; court, visiting my parents, Gino and Deezy were sick, and now, I'm stuck feeling down on myself because I have been skipping days! While laying in my bathing suit on the beach I looked down at my wrinkly belly button that was once very cute, and actually started to feel like a bum! I am not over weight, I am right where I am supposed to be on the doctor's stupid charts, but when you were used to being small at one point because you were very active (soccer) you can't help but be disappointed in yourself. I lost 15 lbs when I first got pregnant for some reason (I'm sure it had to do with the abrupt stop to a mass amount of calories that I was consuming from alcohol), only gained 20 while pregnant, and then when Andino was born lost all of it and some. and if it were not for this damn wrinkly belly button I would be totally happy (or at least I say that now), after all I'm as small as I was my freshman year in high school. All the Dark Dove chocolate I consume probably doesn't help anything, and I am not a chef in a restaurant so I'm not making different meals every day for every person in my house but I cook pretty healthy, I'm not psycho about it, but we always have a veggie, a starch and a meat/poultry, usually some variation of chicken. I don't like Soda at all, sometimes drink sweet tea, but always drink water (and really sweet coffee from Dunk's maybe that is the culprit). I am constantly running around for this and that, usually its chasing Deezy around. But still, a wrinkly bellybutton and am being a bum about getting back on track with my P90X! I think I will be starting from the very beginning of the program just to feel better. I was a good 20-30 lbs heavier when I met my husband, and he doesn't like the fact that I am trying to be smaller, he would actually like me to gain some weight, but it's not for my husband or anyone else that I want to tone up, it's for me, or is it? I always looks at other moms around here (yuppies really) who clearly have personal trainers, have a spotless house (probably a house keeper), etc. and feel like I am lazy compared to them. My house is in no way spotless, it's impossible to keep up, and no one else does house work, it is definitely a lived in home. If it was actually my house and not my apartment, I would care much more about it's appearance, but I find it hard to really care about this place when I know we will move and any effort made to make this apartment "our style" and neat, would in a way be wasted energy. My husband could also unintentionally be a culprit of why I want to be more toned...I am very lucky to have such a handsome and fit husband, with his 6 pack, gorgeous arms, doesn't have chicken legs, beautiful smile, caramel skin, and my favorite not flat ASSet if you know what I mean. I feel like I look like lazy chunker next to him at times, even though he in no way does anything to make me feel like that! Why do women especially stress about their body sooo much?!


"The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends." Unknown



I feel like no matter what a mother is always stressed about something, even unconsciously, making their patience ware thin fairly quickly. However, that could also be an attribute I acquired from my mother, who with out fail is always in an argument with me whenever I visit.  We never have had a good relationship and I fear we never will, very different and very alike at the same time if that makes any sense. Our arguments seldom make sense, and almost always end up as a blow up fight where things are said that are uncalled for. I really hope I don't pass this trait on to my children! That and my temper, which they most likely will have, it's in our blood. I think the title of this post is funny, honestly I had never even noticed that, but it is entertaining.  Eating desserts for a short period of time makes you feel better, but then it is a vicious circle, you eat desserts because you are stressed and you are stressed because you eat! Even when I am on the brink of a meltdown, hearing my boys laughing in the other room while playing tag makes everything better. Laughter is contagious, and is the best kind of medicine, when I was little my father's laugh could get anyone going, and now I have my husbands laugh who is equally as contagious and the beautiful sounds of giggles from my boys!


"Laughter is a highly addictive positive contagious: if somebody starts, it's very difficult to stop." Robert Holden

"Drugs are a waste of time. They destroy your memory and your self-respect and everything that goes along with your self-esteem." Kurt Cobain

It has been a few days since I have posted anything on my blog, last week we had court for our little dude Gino amongst other things. Everyone has been asking me what happened and for an update, to be honest I didn't post one because I didn't have an update until now!
Going to court was so frustrating because we had a new judge and had no idea how the day was going to pan out for us. There were three motions that were to be heard that day; The "mother's" motion to reinstate visitation, our motions to impound our address and to modify the custody order. We of course were at court early, as always, there was no one in the court room where we were heard.  I'm not sure if any of my readers know what it's like to have one judge for years, have them retire, and then get a new one but it is the most nerve-racking feeling in the world, more so when you have a small child involved. Our DCF worker (who is completely 100 % on our side) was going to try and make it to court with us, but wasn't sure she would be able to because she had another case that day, and the "mother" and her lawyer were not going to be at court until 11.  11:11 roles around; "mother" and lawyer walk into court, lawyer looks as "stank" as always with her horrible attitude and mother looked as shitty as usual with her cargo high waters up her butt, some weird fringe shirt and the blonde hair she has whenever she is using (her hair tends to be a tell-tale sign of her drug use). Her lawyer walks up to us and puts a hair follicle test on Andre's lap that had been court ordered twice that she had never taken,  of course after looking it over it was still not the correct hair follicle, it was called a "personal" 5 panel, it was a 10-panel that was requested, the weirder part was she has prescriptions that would show up on a hair follicle that didn't, her hair follicle was "clean".  This was disturbing because how could a hair follicle be wrong, they are usually very reliable unlike urine screens; but the Rx drugs she was using were not even showing up. This of course made us incredibly nervous because she had the motion for visitation in, and having this clean hair follicle was a plus 1 for her and minus the happiness of Gino for us. When the Judge entered the court room he was all "optimism" this and that (I am generally a liberal being, on most topics, but he seemed to be too optimistic for my liking) asked my husband why, even with her heroin addiction and frequent relapse, she shouldn't be allowed supervised visitation.  "For fucks sake" was the first thing that popped into my head, "we're fucked" we don't have a lawyer and she does. My hubby explained our side pretty well, as best he could being nervous with no lawyer, couldn't explain well enough the difference between legal and physical, but other than that held his own in the court room.  THEN, I couldn't believe how low her lawyer tried to hit, her lawyer said that he got "mother" and myself pregnant at the same time (TOTALLY a lie), said that my husband has ever beat me (I almost shit my pants), and that I am the reason he is going for full physical and full legal and the reason that she is not allowed to see Gino...It took everything in me (for those of you that know me, you KNOW I don't hold my tongue and I tend to have a protective and bad temper) to not scream at her lawyer. #1 She did get pregnant again prior to any relationship with me but had an abortion, this was during a period of time when my husband was trying to give her another chance to be an actual mother, obviously did not work #2 my husband would never ever even at his worst ever beat me, Lord help him if he tried I could woop his butt if need be, even when he was at his worst drinking before he got sober, the worst that ever happened was he pushed me out of his way because I was in his face yelling, #3 she said that my husbands mother was trying to keep her from seeing or speaking to Gino before I even came into the picture...I can produce the motion she put in prior to me to prove that she has always said someone else is the reason she doesn't have a relationship with Gino. I think it is appalling that her lawyer and she would bring me into the whole ordeal and not allow me to defend myself or speak on the fucking case. Now, my husband is different from me in many ways, especially in being quick with come backs and what not. Every time her lawyer said something, I had a response and a date in mind, my husband has to stop and think and look in his notes, he's much more relaxed and laid back compared to me.  The Judge listened to what people had to say (not everything that wanted to be said) ordered my husband and "mother" to submit a urine screen right then, my husband passed with flying colors and she failed, but apparently had an Rx to back it up. These Rx's that she has are for "back pain", anxiety and PTSD....back pain? they are giving her a fucking narcotic....and not monitoring her consume the Rx....she is a junkie, and this is not being prescribed by a trained addiction DR...it's by an everyday PCP, the reasoning? "There is a lack of treatment" where she resides according to her lawyer and "she has a lot of family support" they clearly are not supportive enough or that is a ball faced lie because she is 34 and still is not obtaining proper treatment. She needs to GO where there is treatment if you ask me, long-term in-patient treatment. The Judge said what is she going to have 6-8 months sober get visitation relapse and have another 6-8 months before she can see the child? Honestly, she shouldn't be allowed in the child's life until she is sober, not a few months here and there....she needs to be sober, the likeliness of that is ZERO. Not to mention, her lawyer did NOT produce her urine screens, so I had my husband call to have them fax copies over. She had many more things in her system than what was prescribed. EX; Oxy's....ecstacy....cocaine....etc. I don't know how she gets away with this, I really don't.  She also pulls out these photos from past visits where Gino is "smiling", for fuck's sack, my husband and I have raised Gino to do what he is asked, and there is a gigantic difference between his "being told to smile" smile and his genuinely happy smile, you better believe that the next court date we WILL show the Judge the comparison because there is a huge difference.
To sum it up, the Judge made no decisions because he said he wanted look the case over more closely (A.K.A probably speak with the previous Judge) and we would have a decision on the motions soon, and probably another court date. Today we got the news that no motions were allowed, which to us at the moment is better than her motion for visitation, and no court date before the one that we already have the end of June. That was the best news I received today! SO for now, Gino's happiness is intact and to the best of my husbands and my ability will stay that way.  After all, it is about our son Gino, not about her and what she "wants".


People pay for what they do, and still more, for what they have allowed themselves to become.  And they pay for it simply: by the lives they lead.  ~Edith Wharton 


 Gino's birthday was this week! Time flies and these kids grow up so fast! It feels like yesterday was 3 years ago when I met my husband and Gino. Gino was this short pudgy little thing, who danced to Louis Armstrong with my husband and me, wanted to do everything Daddy did, I bought Curious George books for everyday, gave a trumpet because he liked mine so much, etc. I can't believe that was three years ago! Now he has grown into the size of his head, is so smart, is a great big brother, can write his full name, the list goes on and on.  I am one of those people that reminisces from time to time (more than time to time) I like to look at old pictures/videos, and I can't believe how much both of my children have grown, and how much they are like my husband and I. It's very entertaining at times to pick out different traits each of our kids has and designate it to either parent, it's crazy how much your children are like you (biological or not), they make you learn about yourself and your parenting techniques.  For instance; my husband gets easily frustrated, so do both of my boys, my husband is also very active and works with his hands, both boys are just like him in that sense (especially Deezy, that child is so overactive). Me, I have an Italian temper, I am Italian and Puerto Rican so it runs in my blood, both of my kids have my temper, it can be very entertaining.  I am also a musician, trumpet (used to sing as well, not so much anymore) and both of my kids love music. Sometimes it's hard not to laugh at them when they act like us, it makes you feel ridiculous seeing it when it's not you acting like them. No parent is perfect, if you think you are you're in denial, there is always something that can be improved, for me it's being more compassionate and not such a hard ass (I am the "mean" parent because I give time outs and have rules).  When you are raised one way it is difficult not to act the way your parents did. My parents were not compassionate towards me (nor some of their other children, they definitely pick favorites) I was close with my father for a very long time, but that relationship was wrecked for multiple reasons.  You were lucky if you could beat an "I love you" out of either of them, even now my dad doesn't say "I love you" he says "me to you"...really? it is the same amount of words, why is it so difficult? So I make it a point to say I love you multiple times a day, kiss and hug them even when I am angry...do I baby them when they fall down? No, I hate whining...and think it is absurd when people baby their kids every time they fall. If they fall down the stairs or actually hurt themselves, of course I'll comfort them, but Gino cries every time he gets a splinter, that I ignore.  Could I parent a little girl is the next question, we want four more kids, will I get a girl (no idea), I think she would be a tom boy because I was, and the whining from little girls is worse than boys (that could be an issue, maybe it would make me more compassionate?), but honestly I think my husband would have a harder time with her in her teenage years, he doesn't like it when I have an inch of cleavage showing, wait, she will be just like I was, belly showing, boobs out, good lord, thinking about it is making me laugh. Yup, my husband will have a heart attack...
The kids are running in and out of the kitchen, laughing, over-tired maybe? I love this sound, and from now until Sunday the Angry Italian landlord is gone so we can allow it. It is now time for me to enjoy MY beautiful family (maybe with some scolding in between, Deezy is taking out the cat food as I write), cuddle with my husband and congratulate him on passing two ASE's (mechanic tests, that he thought he was going to fail, pessimistic he is, I told him he would pass) that's another 2 bucks an hour anywhere he works, and of course he is already talking about taking the next 7 tests (never good enough). Good night all, until next time.

"We cannot really love anybody with whom we never laugh." Agnes Repplier