Once again, it has been a while since I have posted on my blog. This blog is probably about to take a turn, more like a complete 180. So much has happened the last few months that it is hard for me to wrap my head around sometimes.
On July 18th, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl (we'll call her "AJ") I believe I wrote about the birth in my last blog. She is growing so fast, I can not believe that she is going to be 5 months old this month! She's so good tempered, always smiling, rarely cries, she's "talking" which is more like growling, but I definitely lucked out with this baby! It's a big change to have a little girl now, but I welcome the extra estrogen around the house (for now).
Deezy is as crazy as ever, he has created a whole new meaning to "terrible two's"! At the same time, I am enjoying this age with him, he's turning into a little man, and oh so much like his Daddy (in my eyes) although my mother has told me he's just like I was as a kid. I'm so proud of him, he can almost count to ten with no mistakes, potty trained, so smart and definitely a very boyish boy....he's also very stubborn, obnoxious, defiant, amongst other things...and unfortunately he makes those attributes look funny and cute, so it's hard not to laugh.
Gino is growing up so quickly, and so much happier without all of the drama from before. He is excelling in school, he was one of the only kids in his class to score a 100% on a spelling test (1st graders), he actually ENJOYS doing his homework, he is reading and writing, drawing amazingly detailed pictures, and is quickly turning into a little man. Girls are crazy over him, this little girl writes him a love letter every week telling him she wants to marry him, so happy he is not interested in girls yet!
"Right now, I have to admit, that I'm more interested in giving people a little bit of hope and goodness." ~ Aaron Eckhart
Onto the complete 180 that this blog is about to take...Before the adoption proceeding in August, Gino's Grandmother had sent a little package of things for him, so I took the opportunity to write her a letter about how Gino has been doing, updating her as well as sending her some pictures of him. She wrote a very kind letter back to me and we left it at that. August 20th comes along (the day before the adoption), and I went to check the PO Box that I pay for specifically for Gino's family members to write me and send him things...there in the mailbox was a letter to me form the "egg" donor. My heart skipped and I started panicking that she knew I was adopting him the next day and wanted to start some sort of drama, or show up at court. I open the envelope, and start reading, to my surprise it was a very sweet letter. She was thanking me for writing her mother, she sent a little money for Gino's school clothes and supplies and asked that maybe she be allowed to write as well. I sent her a very long letter back, telling her exactly how I felt about everything, that we knew that she was abusing her prescriptions and us "fighting" in court at nothing to do with whether or not she loved her son, it had to do with what was in his best interests. I then said I wanted to continue writing to let her know how he is doing and send pictures. This back and forth letter writing has been going on for a while now, and surprisingly we have worked through some issues. In one letter I asked if she could copy some baby pictures of Gino so we could have some here (my husbands mother so kindly would not give us his when we left). This week I received a package and two letters form her: inside the package was a album full of baby pictures (she of course through in one picture of her sitting on my husbands lap, I thought that one could have been left out). In the letters she wrote she asked if maybe we could text, that she knew it was a long shot but figured she would ask as well. She also said she wanted to help pay for the teeth he needs worked on. After thinking about it for a couple days, I decided "ok, I'll text her...the worst that could happen is that I would need to change my number." We have now exchanged numerous texts, and she actually has been thanking me over and over, she even went so far as to say that I am Gino's mom...that oddly enough meant a lot for her to admit it. My heart feels for her, even if my brain knows that I myself have already been down a similar road and was disappointed over and over. But, as a mother I thought to myself "how would I feel if my child was removed whether or not I had done anything wrong, how would I feel if another woman was raising my child"...I guess my heart won this time, Gino however has no interest in her, despite my efforts. Part of me is still so angry at her, for all of the heartache that she has caused my son, for all the pain she put my husband through, but another part of me just really feels bad for her and wants to give reaching out to her one chance, but I will keep my guard up. She has thanked me over and over for giving her hope and telling me how hard it has been to loose her "heart", I owe her nothing in a sense, but in another sense she gave me my first child, I am so grateful to her for that, so in another sense I feel I owe her something. I am not the most religious person you'd ever meet, but something she did write to me was very interesting and hit home for me, "You know how life has all these twists and sometimes things happen for reasons we have no idea why and your lucky if you ever find out why you had to go through that? You know what I mean like take your relationship with Gino how you are close and have a lot in common. Well, I had a thought that wouldnt it be something if I had to go through what I went through so that Gino could play a part in your life. You know how people are put in your life for a reason. God works through people. I look for ways to draw good from this horrible loss I have expierianced, maybe it was part of His plan. What if my little boy was put in your life because you needed his ray of sunshine saved you some how. Gino is pure love. It makes me feel good to think he helped you when you needed it. And now, your helping me. It sucks to be depressed. I am sad all the time. Things are finally changing. I hope this made sense?". It does make sense to me. I may not be very religious, but as you have read before, I do believe in Karma, what you give you get...and right now I feel like giving her hope.
Here's to a new and unexpected chapter in my life.
When the world says, "Give up,"
Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."
~Author Unknown
