We had court on Friday, we had put an emergency motion in to suspend visitation. The whole morning, as usual, was ridiculous. Her lawyer is absolutely insane, and after doing a little research on him he isn't even a family law lawyer! We checked in and of course are nervous, the GAL was there and she was going to say what she saw (and at that point wanted to suggest a visitation center, not just suspending visitation) so of course we were nervous. The egg donor finds it necessary to prance back and forth wiggling like her "shit doesn't stink" (excuse the language) and like her boy shaped body with no hips, breasts or butt and ugly crater ridden face is really going to attract my husband who has a wife with a figure like mine (not to be cocky or anything) and is anything but unattractive compared to her. My husband shakes his head in disgust and admits he doesn't know what he was thinking other than he was 18 and she was 29 and always bought him liquor so he never was around her sober (this was back when he was still heavily drinking). She was wearing painted on black pants, and this huge white turtleneck sweater with her hair in a white scrunchy ( I haven't seen or worn one of those since I was probably Gino's age). While we were sitting in the court room after we signed in, it's hard not to look at her because she was to the right of us in the row in front of us, my husband nudged me and head nodded in her direction. Low and behold SHE IS FRIGGIN NODDING OUT IN THE COURT ROOM, she came to court FOR HER SON high! We get our lawyer's attention so she can see this happening and she went into the hallway and informed the GAL that was going on. You could see every time she nodded off her lawyer nudged her and tried to keep her awake (even thinking a crossword would help, I laughed when I saw she was attemping a crossword). Finally the case is called, and everyone is up there, you can still see her swaying back and forth having trouble staying alert while in front of the Judge (I was praying the judge would be observant and see that she was high in the court room) and you could see the GAL watching her, our lawyer presented our side and this friggin Judge says "well there is a supervisor why shouldn't their be visits if they are supervised", we told him the issues with the current supervisor and he sent us into the hall to figure out a new supervisor. The GAL spoke and to my surprise, said nothing about thinking that supervised visitation center should be used, she only said that she was high and it was concerning. She has relapsed so many times, that she has gone through every single one of her family member's supervising, as well as Andre and my husband's mother, she had the audacity (not actually making a suggestion just trying to really get under our skin) to suggest my husband's mother again, who we have no relationship with because while she was the supervisor previously, she made a visit run way long (while there was a restraining order that my husband had on the egg donor) and when we finally got Gino back, both his mother and the egg donor were high as kites in front of him, we took him and left, when we returned the egg donor was asleep on my HUSBAND'S couch, so we called the police because she was violating the restraining order. The next day his mother and the egg donor called the police and said that my husband was drunk, breaking things and abusing me (lol don't make laugh, my husband at this point had two months sober and was living with me and nothing was broken and there was no drinking going on at all, I was pregnant and he was sober) in front of Gino and they called DCF . It was just something she wanted to throw out there to try and piss us off, honestly our life has never been better with out my husband's mother's involvement my husband is a far better man without the manipulation, lies, drugs and drinking, so really it was just showing that she is just being vindictive. So the only thing we were going to agree on (even though we didn't want to) was going to be a supervision center. After an outburst from her yelling at all of the lawyers (GAL included) screaming at them to talk somewhere else because my husband and I were looking at her and laughing (when honestly we were looking to see if she was nodding out, and when she was it wasn't laughing it was complete astonishment), she told her lawyer she wouldn't (and couldn't) pay for a visitation center, and that she couldn't get off island. Our lawyer then promptly said I thought you said she had a job, her lawyer was stumbling over his words, he had no idea how to respond. The "job" she has as a personal assistant is to the well known sugar daddy of hers, PERSONAL assistant exactly, I'd like to see her come up with legal pay stubs. She also has her "fiance" who is paying for her legal fees and bills, there should be no reason she can't pay for 2 visits in a visitation center. Only two visits because it would be temporary until our trial date in early February. We know she can pay for it, we know she can get off island easily, we also know that visitation center's are insanely strict about your appearance and your sobriety, and we know she just wasn't willing to stay sober long enough to be in a visitation center. So in the end, she agreed to suspend her visitation, which I partially think is because she knows she is screwed and was too high to figure anything out.
We went back into the court room and informed the Judge of what had been decided, the Judge said we he would take everything in consideration and that visits would definitely be suspended and he would decided on everything else. As The GAL, lawyers, egg donor and my husband were leaving the bench, I got up to follow them out (the women in front of me smiled and said good luck, they also saw her nodding out and giving looks of death). I hear the egg donor scream excuse me, and the GAL was stumbling...I couldn't believe it but she smacked into the GAL coming close to knocking her over very deliberately, the GAL waited until she had left the building before she left because she was scared, if anything hopefully that works in our favor, her past history of assault is obviously anything but in the past.
We have the circumstantial evidence but no hard evidence that she is abusing her medication, the Judge asked if the expert we spoke to was here, and they were not. We showed the man packets upon packets of proof talking about all of the medications mixed, an article that said with prescriptions her ng/mL levels should be no higher than 1300 and hers were literally off the charts, one time her xanax came up as 9999 which means they can not quantify the amount that was in there it was so much. So now leaving court, we are hoping the Judge gives us the quantitative urine's we asked for as well as the 12 panel hair follicle we asked for, but as of now all that we know is definite is that visits are suspended at least until the trial date. We now are having to pay for an expert to prove our case that she is abusing her medications by reviewing her medical records and urine screens (hopefully the hair follicle). However, this expert is 500 an hour (we've searched for others but they are all just about as expensive) and want's 2500 up front, how the hell are we going to come up with this money, it's an insane amount to ask for but we know if it works out it would have been completely worth it. Now we are left trying to beg and borrow $2500 pretty much in the next week or two. If we don't get this expert, this woman is going to get visitation again, this expert is the only way we can prove she is abusing her medication.
I have written so many different organizations, so many father's rights groups to see if any of them would assist us, I wrote legal aid, I've been up hours upon hours trying to figure this out. And nothing, I even went to my mom (not really directly asking) for help, her response was they need to be fair to all of their children and have helped me with my student loans (my dad has paid interest on my loans maybe a month here or there in between deferment, if she want's to talk about fair, they have paid my sisters loans off in full, how about that for "fair"), I have never in my life asked them for money and this is why, it isn't even like I am asking for money for my husband and I, it's for my sons well being. I still can't be angry, it's not their responsibility to help, I am just growing increasingly frustrated. We are desperate, which neither of us like to say, especially my husband who has pride. He works from 7:30 in the morning to 7 at night, 6 days a week, he is a hard worker, he takes ASE tests monthly to get more money for his family (5 dollar raise in a year, he rocks), but we can not come up with this money, we are already forking out so much for a lawyer (which proudly we have paid for on our own), but we can not get this money. I have two friends who are trying to figure things out to help me, coming up with suggestions for money, and honestly just their emotional support is awesome. It's the worst feeling to need to help your child, and can't, keeps you on edge constantly, constantly I am trying to not get so frustrated I'll cry, their is tension growing because of it, I spend hours researching for our case, hours I should spend doing laundry or housework, but the more research I do the less we have to fork out for our awesome lawyer, who might I add is doing her part to help us financially she is not billing us until later so we can pay for this expert (but a week is not enough time to come up with 2500). So what do we do? Beg, borrow....steal? not my style, got in trouble when I was little and learned my lesson (now I'm terrified to do it again). What do you do when you need money for your child's best interest and time is not on your side? Where the hell are we coming up with $2500, There is no time to write Ellen DeGenerous and ask her for help (lol I love her) and doing something that public would probably come out NOT in our favor, especially if we have to explain why we need help.
"Before borrowing money from a friend decide which you need most."
~American ProverbWe think the money for Gino is hands down most important.
