“More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.” Doug Larson

Children are much wiser than we give them credit for (and yes they are also naive), if you take a minute to really listen, sometimes they say some incredible smart things. Gino, for instance, has an incredible understanding of everything that is going on around him and this amazing thirst for expanding his mind.  If we as adults would adopt the happy mindset of a 5 year old, life could be much more enjoyable. When I took Gino to preschool yesterday, in his cubby there was a little envelope that said "MAMA" on it, having a 1 year old thinking that it is ok to monkey in the other cubbies and run screaming down the hallway, I chose to look at it when I got home. After a long morning shpeel of hand washing, saying good bye, trying to catch Deezy who was trying to escape, then speaking to the woman in the office for a half an hour, I FINALLY got to my car and buckled the squirmer into his car seat. Once I got home and sat down, I looked at the front of the little envelope and a huge smile hit my face because Gino, my (step) son writes MAMA now! I turned the envelope over and there was this beautiful picture of our house, car, the playground, a smiling sun, and Me (with crazy hair), Deezy (who Gino only draws crawling even though he walks now), Daddy and Gino all of us have big smiles on our faces, the detail was amazing (to me) for a child that is only 5. I open up the envelope and inside was a picture of a fish with a big smile swimming in the ocean and a huge sun with a big smile. I vaguely remember the age where everything was interesting and exciting, the sun was smiling and so was everything else. At Gino's age I remember declaring numerous amount of ridiculous things to my friends (that one of them kindly reminded me he remembers): apparently I wanted to drink a lot of milk and eat a lot of lettuce so I could have big boobs like my older sister (who has average boobs now that I think about it and that was what she ate and drank because she was a vegetarian), well apparently that worked because now they are huge and all I do is complain, I also remember declaring that I was going to marry a black man so I could have beautiful babies and I wouldn't be with a man who wasn't funny (I'm pretty sure there was a funny like my dad in there), which I did (he's a mix of things like I am).  So maybe, just maybe, those ridiculous things children say should be listened to more closely, maybe they have some strange ability to see things that adults don't see.  All I can say is that the three things I remember saying at that young age came very true, and for that I am extremely happy. I married the most amazing man for me, we balance each other better than I could ever have hoped for, what he lacks I have and what I lack he has, he keeps me grounded and in the real world. Balance is something that married people take for granted, even though we (the "bad" guys) hate being labeled the "bad" guys as a parent, there is a necessity for us just as there is a necessity for the easier "nice" parent. I used to wonder as a child why my father married my mother, I was so close with my dad and he was so cool and fun and my mom, well, we didn't get a long she was the opposite of my dad, but now I know why, they balanced each other so well, they create a sense of unity in the household that two people in the same could not create. My husband and I do the same I feel, although I am not as extreme as my mother, my house runs very similarly to my parents, Daddy's cool and Mama has rules, Daddy is good with numbers, Mama is good at English. While taking as many psych courses as I could in college (I developed an obsession with psychology courses, still have the obsession) I learned a lot about myself, and what I wanted in a man.  Yes, I prefer my caramel colored husband over a pasty white guy any day, but not only that, but that I also wanted a man similar to my father.  I think I accomplished all of my goals thus far.
My husband and I have been through more than some people who have been married 60 years have been through, some of the toughest times a couple could have are behind us now, and that is a serious accomplishment. We conquered a serious alcohol addiction on my husbands part, which went along with infidelity while he was drinking, a bad temper, amongst other things.  Why did I stay through all of that, well, normally the first sign of infidelity I would have said see you later, but something about my husband (and little 2 year old Gino of course) kept me around, I knew (despite what my mother in law said) that the man I woke up to in the morning (when he was sober) could be around 24 hours a day 7 days a week instead of just when he wasn't drinking. I also had issues of my own,  I just got out of a serious relationship, so to be honest in the beginning I didn't take my husband seriously, so those issues didn't bother me to much. I was also in a time of my life where I absolutely hated school, I had an awesome room mate who I had so much fun with drinking and dancing, but was insanely depressed about the past relationship the ended on a "we will work it out when we have time for each other" note, and my husband happened to live downstairs, very convenient. I had avoided the man for MONTHS, approximately 6 months because he had a child and I had been down that road, but lord was he charismatic. I'm tough, a little mean, very blunt, and I don't fall for lines, however, the lines he had were so outrageously hilarious ("I just finished painting my apartment do you want to see?" says future husband "no thanks" I say "I have beer" he says "ok just one" I say, that's the G rated line he used, I won't embarrass him and say the other) and I was in dire need of the company of a man that could make me laugh and NOT cater to my every whim (I am a horrible person, I need a strong willed person because I take advantage of the week unintentionally). I had met plenty of men who wanted to give me the world but they were too nice, I would kill their self confidence and make them cry...so I kept them as friends where they should be, and decided to hang out with this hilarious father that I tried so desperately to avoid. After the angry alcoholic cheater phase, crazy mother in law, issues with baby mama and DCF in and out, a child on the way, moving yet again, cutting ties with people with addiction issues to help in my husbands sobriety, I am not married and have to children with the most amazing, caring, loving, strong willed, talented, hysterical and the list goes on, man that I could have ever found.

Bill Cosby: [when his wife sees that he has given the kids cake for breakfast] I've always heard about people having a conniption but I've never seen one. You don't want to see 'em. My wife's face... split. My wife's face split, and the skin and hair split and came off of her face so that there was nothing except the skull. And orange light came out of her hair and there was glitter all around. And fire shot from her eye sockets and began to burn my stomach and she said, "WHERE DID THEY GET CHOCOLATE CAKE FROM?" And I said, "They asked for it!" And the children who had been singing praises to me... LIED on me and said, "Uh-uh! We asked for eggs and milk... AND DAD MADE US EAT THIS!" And my wife sent me to my room... which is where I wanted to go in the first place. 

-Bill Cosby: Himself (1983)

I don't know what about Bill Cosby I find unbelievably hysterical, but this movie is one of my favorite movies ever, if you are a parent I highly recommend you watch this stand up, I've seen it at least a hundred times and die laughing every time.
Gino is a very well behaved kid, listens most of the time, does what he asked, doesn't get into things....Deezy however, lord that child. The day before last, I was getting dinner ready in comes Deezy, with the entire ficus plant (roots and all) banging it all around my living room and kitchen.  The child has dirt all over his face, making his uni-brow very prominent, there is a line of dirt from the plant through the living room into the kitchen...he has had a fascination with dirt since he could crawl. Then JUST NOW, he's playing with his alphabet toys, I'm writing this blog, I look up because he's quiet...where is he...I go in the kitchen and there are little foot prints in white powder....the pancake mix....and he is about to open the vegetable oil on it. Maybe he is to young to help me cook, because he thinks he can do it on his own. The two are polar opposites, and obviously I have my work cut out for me with Deezy, and we want 4 more...my head may explode.  But I wake up and look at my boys sleeping faces, and fall in love all over again, forgetting all the messes and whining, I do love being a mom.

 Simply having children does not make mothers.  ~John A. Shedd

 Well, we do not have court until the end of August, there is now a Guardian Ad Litem appointed to our case to give recommendations for what is best for Gino.  We had a meeting with her on Monday, and we think our first impression went well, keeping our fingers crossed.  She seemed to agree with most of what we were saying about the case, and agreed that I AM Gino's mother....and also said that she finds it ridiculous when a parent can not maintain sobriety for their child. So hopefully, she will be on "our" side...I also have obtained permission from the school that they will speak to her on our behalf...I will also get the pediatrician to speak to the G Ad Litem for us as well. Of course Deezy was acting a fool while we were in the meeting, it irritates me when people are so over-cautious about children, I keep my eye on my kids like a hawk, but Deezy can climb up and down stairs, onto and off of chairs, likes to lift the blinds up and look out the windows, sometimes people over-protect their children, and every 2 minutes she was distracted by Deezy looking out the window thinking he was going for the power outlet. Hopefully she didn't take our "relaxed" parenting at that time for lack of supervision...But over all we think it went well, she also said she is GOING to Gino's bio moms house, so maybe she can see things that are not so good.  I don't like to wish bad on people, but this is about my kid, so I do not wish good things on her, because she has done NOTHING good for my son, except bring him into this world. A 34 year old woman should have her life figured out more than a 24 year old man, but she will never grow up and will always be the grime at the bottom and we do not need her negatively impacting Gino's life. Hopefully the G Ad Litem tells the judge what DCF and we want to happen, no visits or anything unless she can maintain long term and treatment and sobriety. And even then, the visits should be supervised in a center by a neutral party and Gino should be able to consent. BLARG this whole thing is frustrating, but so worth it.

Your children need your presence more than your presents.  ~Jesse Jackson