We decided that our course of action was going to be cut throat and relentless (which it has always been, at least since I have gotten involved), if we didn't do everything possible (short of illegal things of course) Gino was the one who was going to continue suffering and there is only so much a child can take, no matter how resilient. The egg donor in a way seemed to have begun to show how little she really did care about Gino by saying she wasn't going to pursue visitation anymore, because any parent who truly did care as much as she led people to believe would have begged, borrowed and stole to pay for two visits a month. Instead, she stopped going to her drug tests, had stopped paying child support and was in the process of having her lawyer tell us she didn't want to pursue visits again and that she wanted the case dismissed. Our lawyer called with the good news and I'm sure most people would have been elated to hear the other party wanted to dismiss the case and stop visitation, but I knew better. I knew there was some ulterior motive that she had in mind and what came to my mind is that dismissing the case does not get us a judgement and does not stop her from doing what she has been doing. In fact, it would basically erase the entirety of the case up to this point making it very easy for her to come into court and get any type of visitation or custody she wanted. SO I promptly (after speaking to the hubby of course) informed our lawyer we would not be excepting that proposal and would continue to pursue termination of her parental rights because that was what was best for the little goofball I have come to consider my own. Our lawyer, again, is absolutely amazing for putting up with my constant emails and calls and relentlessness in not compromising with the egg donor. She understood what we were saying and agreed that it seemed with a little more pushing we could get her rights terminated.
Not long after all of that, I received a message from our lawyer saying she had some pretty big news and that I needed to call her. My heart jumped out of my throat as I returned the phone call. "She is surrendering her parental rights", holy shit I was speechless. The egg donor was going to the court as we spoke to surrender her parental rights and we would be getting the original in the mail. I was in awe, what would be next? Neither of us knew because we had not been in this type of situation. There was going to be at least one more court date for her attorney to withdraw from the case because he did not agree with this course of action and would not represent her if she did this. At that court date, the Judge said that if she didn't show up to the Trial then he would make a Judgment in our favor and the case would end (the egg donor said she would not be at the Trial).
February 14th comes around (Trial Date) and we all felt pretty good about that day because it was presumably going to be a walk in the park. Alas, nothing in this case is simple and this Judge is an absolute sexist shit head. He said since she did not come to court he was going to continue to another Trial date, basically giving her another chance. Apparently, since when this case opened in 2007 my husband did not file a response to the egg donors complaint, we could not get a judgement without the egg donor being there or filing a late response, MORE money down the drain. I couldn't believe it and our attorney was in shock. Of course the first thing that came to my mind is that this is more time for her to change her mind and renig her surrender of rights, after all her addiction issues were really bad from November (or December) to around March or April, and then she at least sobered up enough to decide she wanted to be a part of Gino's life again and drag us into court on yet another motion to reinstate visitation. So we filed what was necessary, which was a motion to ask the judge to allow a late response to the original complaint, which would get another date in April to finish the case. The date we received for the motion was March 16th and our attorney said there was no reason for us to be there at that date, she surrendered her rights so even though we had to mail her the newest court date we were not expecting her to be there.
March 16th roles around and we are all feeling good, a little irritated with the Judge but not expecting any more nonsense from the heroin circus. I didn't take Gino to school, my sister was visiting me so we were relaxing on the couch (it was gross out unfortunately) and my phone rings and it's our attorney. I answered the phone chipper expecting her to tell me what was decided on the motion. She stutters and says the "egg donor showed up with her boyfriend Justin, and she is saying that her attorney had lied about what she was signing and that she didn't want to terminate her rights, yadda yadda"...Can you imagine what it would feel like to have your heart ripped out of your chest and panic and anxiety to ravage your 6 month pregnant body that is already emotional from the extra estrogen that carrying a girl produces?! I hope none of you ever experience that, absolutely hands down the worst feeling in the world. I called our old case worker at DCF and spoke with her, she spoke with her attorney at DCF, I was texting our lawyer like crazy, I jumped on the computer and started researching revoking of surrenders, and was reading case after case trying to figure out what to do next. All I came up with was that the surrender states "THIS SURRENDER IS FINAL AND CAN NOT BE REVOKED", and that her lawyer had written a letter to our lawyer stating he was fired because he did not agree with her relinquishing her rights. Panic, Panic, Panic, Panic, tears. Thank God my sister was here for me because I would have been a complete wreck. Our attorney called and explained that she thought this Judge would allow her to revoke the surrender and that we need to think about what to do next, my response? We will do nothing except continue to pursue termination of her rights, there will be no agreement on a parenting schedule. There was a lot of banter back and forth where the egg donor said that if I agreed to allow her to see Gino once a month that she would allow me to adopt him, and then finally she said she would agree to uphold the surrender, blatantly high apparently and can't make up her mind. My attorney gets off the phone to go into the court room and plead our case to the Judge. Not 5 minutes later she calls me and says she is being called every name in the book by the egg donor because the Judge upheld the surrender and has told them to go into the hall and have the egg donor agree to a Judgement. In the end, she signed another surrender signed by the Judge (no getting out of this one) as well as a Judgement that stated she was an unfit mother, was not ever to contact Gino again, was not to pay child support, etc.
Holy shit again, the case is over, no trial, no more court dates for this docket. The case is over and now my petition for adoption of Gino can be filed! We can finally breath easy, no more circus, not more forcing a 5 year old to do something he doesn't want to do, no more damage from the egg donor!
"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again: Don't give up too easily; persistence pays off in the end." ~Unknown
Now what?! This case has consumed my life! I suppose I am supposed to sit back and "relax"...Meaning I am to continue being a chauffeur, a chef, a personal assistant, a "housekeeper", accountant, a surrogate (lol not really this baby is ours), a dog walker (we got a new puppy! Chocolate Lab we named Satchmo!), a Nanny, a nurse, a hair dresser, a listener to all things "tattle tale", a soccer mom (Gino starts soccer in the spring!), a mediator and therapist, etc. The list goes on!
We are happy to announce that we are expecting our third kiddo! And to our surprise we are having a little girl! Although, Gino wasn't surprised he knew from the beginning that this baby was a girl! It definitely feels odd to go into carters and not only buy little boys clothes, but dresses and leggings and pink and purple!
This pregnancy has been a little different than my pregnancy with Deezy, I am definitely more moody (thank you extra estrogen from a little girl), I am hungry more often, I get out of breath way more often, and I am carrying differently as well! I didn't show for the first 5-6 moths when I was pregnant with Deezy and the same has happened this time, having only a few months to go (I am due July 18th) I all of a sudden have a baby bump!
My curiosity often gets the best of me, I wonder who she will look like, I wonder if she will have hair on her ears like Deezy did when he was born, I pray she isn't as gigantic as Deezy was when he was born (I am 5 feet and 1 inch, and Deezy decided being 10 lbs and getting his shoulders stuck in my pelvis was a good idea), I know she is going to be feisty like her mama and that she will be a daddy's girl, and I know not to freak out because that will make her want to do things we don't want her to do...but I also know she has two older brother's to protect her and a father who is going to bare the burden of panic and over-protection.
I am blessed to have such amazing and supportive friends and family, two (almost 3) beautiful children, a hard working/sexy/loving/amazing husband, a life that most would be envious of, and a thirst for knowledge to allow me to learn about what I do not understand. I never would have thought that I would be as lucky as I am today, I've had to go through a lot to get where I am today and I never could have done it without this amazing man that chose me (even in my angry and crazy moments) to be his wife, mother of his children and the one to adopt his oldest.
"In family life, love is the oil that eases friction, the cement that binds closer together, and the music that brings harmony."
~Eva Burrows
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