On July 24, 2012 I received a call from my attorney after 4 months of waiting; the adoption was approved with no need to notify the egg donor! Next week on August 21, 2012, Gino will officially be my son! Finally, we can have real stability and Gino and I can have our special Birthday together!! We plan on every year on August 21st to celebrate our birthday together! 6 years later, Gino can finally have stability, he can finally rest assured he wont be dragged in and out of visitation that he hated!
The next issue we would face is the rest of Gino's family and what to do IF they actually pursued wanting a relationship with him. First reaction as a parent who wants to protect my kid from any more crap and heart ache would be to say absolutely not and cut everyone out, but deeper down I know that THEY were not the ones with the addiction problem that put our son through so much. The egg donor has three sisters, one of which was a supervisor last year, as well as her mother and father. Gino's grandmother maybe 2 or 3 times sent something to him (which he ALWAYS received), Gino's Aunt who supervised was informed that no matter what we wanted her to be in his life-she has yet to be in his life (her choice) since her supervisor privileges were terminated. Another of her sister's is completely all talk about how much she cares-she never has called (she had access to BOTH of our numbers) only attempted talking crap via FB, and the other sister has never once attempted any sort of contact the entire 4 years that I have been involved. It's hard for me to think they care, when they have not shown they do: they constantly backed their sister who was the issue, verbally attacked both Andre and I, said they cared but never showed it, etc.
Around the time of Gino's birthday we received a package from Gino's maternal Grandmother. Some toys mostly used, cheap jammies, socks (clearly from the egg donor, smelled of smoke and she had sent him home in the same ones previously), some books, etc. At least she took the time to send something, there was however no card or note. She had in the past gotten in my face and told me I am NOT his mother, so my experience with her was negative (so was my husbands). I thought about it a lot, went back and forth in my mind and decided I would send her a card telling her how he is doing, sent a school picture, and had Gino write a Thank you note. I invited her to continue sending letters to him and that I would update her on him and have him send little letters here and there. She wrote back not too long later and said thank you along with a short note that was actually not malicious at all to my surprise, as well as a little note to Gino and a new swim trunks for him. I had Gino write another thank you for that. I have not sent it yet because I do have a long letter I am waiting to send her but am waiting until after the adoption is final. It's not mean at all, but in order for me to feel comfortable with these interactions I have to clear up the air between us. She has been misinformed for a long time and I feel I need to let her know, even if she still decides to believe the wrong information, at least I tried. For those of you who know me, I can't drop something I feel strongly about and if I believe in something I am relentless. I have kept the letter tasteful, it's not mean or cruel at all, just things on my mind that need to be said. If we can have a civil relationship for my son's sake that is what I want, and at that point maybe in time we can set up "visits" (that I will supervise). After this adoption takes place, I also plan on writing letters and sending pictures to the other members of the family that I have addresses for, purely so they know he is happy and healthy. I don't have it in me to be like my parents and continue visitation with the egg donor who has caused all of us (especially Gino) so much grief and heartache, but I have told him if he decides one day he wants to see her I will be more than willing to set something up between all of us-his response was an abrupt "I don't want to see her". Only time will tell if these decisions are the right decisions, but better to have Gino decide what he wants his relationships to be than to deny or force a relationship on him, that will only cause him to blame my husband and me regardless of our course of action.
"Family isn't always blood. It's the people in your life that want you in theirs; the ones who accept you for who you are. The ones who would do anything to see you smile and who love you no matter what."
~Unknown
Along with all of the new court business, we were expecting our third child which we found out was a baby girl! I've known since I was 14 what my daughter's name would be (for privacy sake we will call her A.J). On July 18th, 2012 (ON HER DUE DATE) my water broke around 6:30 in the morning-when I went into labor with Deezy, I didn't sleep the night before because of contractions and my water was broken at the hospital. WELL, to my surprise, (we all know the old wives tales about how to induce labor at home-"lovin" being one of those things we all know) the lovin' was successful, because at 6:30 in the morning I woke up needing to go to the bathroom, I stand up and start "leaking"-holy crap! "BABE!! BABE!! WAKE UP, my water just broke!!" he jumps out of bed and starts freaking out half asleep that we need to go to the hospital. The amount of water that was pouring out was hysterical and so was my husband's frantic reaction to the news. I am standing there, laughing hysterically, water is gushing out and I can't move because it would be all over the floor- my husband then scolds me saying "its not FUNNY BABE! WE have to go to the hospital!!!!!" my response was to continue laughing and say "will you hand me a friggin' towel then!!!" Every time I laughed water poured out, which made me laugh harder! Finally when that was under control we packed up and left for the hospital. After almost 2 hours of pushing, no episiotomy and no tearing, no shoulder dystocia- our daughter was born at 4:24 p.m, 9 lbs 1 oz and 20 3/4 in's long! Beautiful little girl who looked like me!! I was so lucky and thankful not only to have my amazing husband there for support but my mom (Mama T) and both of my sisters were there in the delivery room with me! I could not have asked for a better labor and delivery, and now we have a beautiful baby girl to show for it!! I thought our youngest son Deezy was going to have jealousy issues since he was still SO attached to me, but he actually didn't want me holding the baby because "it's my baby, mama!" Gino has of course been a great big bro and adjusted with no issues (maybe asking for a little more attention at times than before, but that's to be expected) and our crazy 2 year old has surprisingly responded well to the adjustment.
"Only love can be divided endlessly, and still not diminish."
~Anne Morrow Lindbergh
Summer is coming to an end, time is flying by! Gino is going into first grade in a few weeks, it's hard to believe that he is growing up so quickly! Leave it to a newborn to make you realize how much your children have grown and how precious each day is with them! Deezy is forming practically full sentences now with his added humor that he acquired from his father, and attitude from me- apparently when I tell him NOT to do something the appropriate response from him is for him to bare his teeth and growl "Stop it Mama!"...it's really hard not to laugh at that...ah the joys of motherhood!
"Before becoming a mother I had a hundred theories on how to bring
up children. Now I have seven children and only one theory: love
them, especially when they least deserves to be loved."
~Kate
Samperi
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