I'm not really a fan of Angelina Jolie normally (she's a good actress, but I'm a Jennifer fan) but this quote stuck with me this morning, it's very true. You can't fully love a child if you don't love yourself, doing heroin, not consistently participating in the child's life, not obtaining proper long term treatment, not caring what the child is doing in school, how the child's health is or what his friggin' interests are is not loving the child at all. Giving birth doesn't make you a mother, and it doesn't automatically make you love the child and most certainly doesn't make that child love you.
He who eats alone chokes alone. ~Proverb
We decided to get creative at dinner last night (unhealthy really) and make buffalo chicken nachos (clearly Gino never ate that if he sees a piece of black peppercorn he cries that it's spicy) and a BBQ chicken pasta with bacon, onion and scallions. I saw the pasta on Nate Berkus and I knew Gino and Deezy would love it (Daddy and I, not so much, too much BBQ not enough chicken). We think it is important to eat meals together, it can get stressful at times (Gino takes two hours to eat everything!) but it's still an important family value that is dying in our country. Parents wonder why there kids don't talk to them and are getting intro trouble, if you sat down all together at the dinner table, maybe you would know what went on in their day. When I was growing up, we all ate together at the dinner table, I have fond memories from child hood of my father and older sister laughing hysterically at this and that. I remember coming down in the morning (my father was a professor of Anthropology at a NYC college so he only taught two days a week and the rest of his days was home) to my sister and father singing (to the tune of Good Morning, Good morning from Singing in the Rain) "Good morning, Good moorrnninggg! How'd you like to bite my butt" and then we would all let out great laughs. When things are running smoothly at dinner with no crying about not liking this or that, meal times are generally very pleasant in our house. Gino is often telling some story from school, something gross he did or saw, or laughing at my big "kid (A.K.A Daddy). The best part is when my husband does something and Gino starts laughing, he has a lazy-ish eye when he laughs that blinks crazy while the other one stays half open, then Deezy starts laughing that cute baby belly laugh. It's impossible not to smile and laugh along with them. My husband has that contagious laugh just like my father, you could be watching TV and think something is really stupid but for some reason they laugh hard, and you cant help but laugh with them (or at them ). That is one of the things I love most about my husband, could be sooooo angry at him (like this weekend, I wanted to smack him) but it's literally impossible for me not to laugh when he tries to make me smile. Then almost immediately, you feel better after a good giggle or laugh.
"Laughter is the way to true love" -unknown
Every day that I am a mother, I realize more and more what I picked up from my parents. I always said growing up (I'm sure many of you said it too) "When I have kids I am NEVER going to do that!" but in reality, you will or do, you end up doing some of the things you swore you never would. My parents made us eat all of our dinner even if we didn't like it, because it's healthy and it's rude to yuck the chef's yums. I think it is important for a child to learn to eat the food in front of them (in my house there is always a veggie, a meat/poultry, and a rice/potato/pasta,etc so for health reasons it's important they eat their food) for many reasons. I am very strict about mealtime, partly because that's how I was raised, but also my son Gino was premature and his "mother's" prenatal care was very bad (smoking, drugs, drinking) so he was born 10 steps behind other kids. When it comes to vegetables I am lucky if there are any left by the time dinner is on the table, Gino loves to help me cook and usually eats all my peppers, carrots, beans. I also can't stand whining, so you get until the count of three and if you don't properly you can sit on time out (for Gino its 4 almost 5 minutes because he is almost 5) and then come back and finish, you don't get out of eating in my house, you'll sit and eat until it's gone. Call me crazy and strict, but it is important to have a child eat even what they do not care for so they get all the vitamins and minerals, otherwise Gino would eat doughnuts and that's it. Deezy loves food, the buffalo chicken nachos we made, he ate some, made faces and stuck his tongue out but kept taking more out of the bowl, if I didn't breast feed him still I think he would eat me out of house and home already!
"Without discipline, there's no life at all." Katharine Hepburn
You know you are doing your job as a mother and doing it well when a child's teachers (multiple, not just one) come up to you and tell you that "You have the kids that parent's wished they had." So for some people I may be strict, if expecting a child to eat, not whine, do what is asked of him with out a bad attitude, and time outs is strict, then so be it I am strict, but it has paid off and I don't have those unruly children that are rude and freak out in public. However, I am not the mother (parents) that I saw in Ihop scolding their child telling him (who looked no more than 7 or 8) that if the spankings weren't enough they could do whippings, etc. Those parents brought me to tears and made me so unbelievably angry that I was shaking, what was equally disturbing were the people around them saying nothing. Believe you me I confronted them and told them they were disgusting and the way they spoke to their CHILD was appalling and that they should be ashamed of themselves. That poor kid, thinking about him still makes me wish I had done something more than confront them. I may be strict and expect proper behavior, but there is a line that is not so fine that I would never cross. I love my children and can't believe anyone could treat a child like that. Honestly, there is this show called "What would you DO?", I half expected that host to come out and speak to me that's how much it upset me.
We worry about what a child will become tomorrow, yet we forget that he is someone today. ~Stacia Tauscher
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