Unfortunately, there are a lot of women who don't think for their child, they just think for themselves. Prime example, Gino's "Mother". No matter how long and hard I think about it, I just will never understand how you could do what she has done to him so far in his short 5 year existence. I understand the idea of addiction, as I said in my last blog, by husband is and will always be an alcoholic, there is no cure, but he does live day by day staying sober for his family. I have also had my fair share of issues in life, like I said I am far from perfect, people who knew me when I was in high school and in my early college career KNOW I am not perfect. Usually people grow up and figure out what is important versus what isn't important, and some people don't. When I found out my husband and I were having a baby (he wasn't my husband at the time, just my fiance) that was the end of my daily ( I mean daily, morning noon and night) drinking and I focuses on work, school and making sure I was taking care of myself properly, because THAT'S WHAT YOU DO WHEN YOU MAKE THE CHOICE TO BECOME A PARENT. Yes, it IS a choice, I am a firm believer in that. My husband also got his act together and got sober, he went to meetings, one on one counseling, it's not easy I am not trying to make it sound as such, but when you are about to bring a child into the world (or already have) it should be a fucking no brainer! If you honestly gave a rats ass about the child, you'd either get your shit together or you'd do the right thing and back off and allow people who have their life together and love him the way he needs to be loved do their fucking job. Yes, this topic irritates the crap out of me, every time I feel on ease about our family and our stability something (from the court/snatcher) comes around and throws everything off kilter. This woman ONLY pays chunks of child support when court comes around to make herself look better. We could care less about the support honestly, the measly $35 a week does nothing to help. We would rather have no support and have her gone and out of our life. Not only did we receive a payment (that is supposed to be weekly, but she has NEVER paid weekly) she sent a letter to Gino, saying things like remember you can draw me a picture when you miss me (this is the FIRST time EVER she has written the child anything) and talk to me because I will hear you, and that NO one can take THAT away from us, and that "Daddy and I are just trying to figure out a ay to SHARE you"...Gino is not an object, he is not a toy, you don't share a child, and besides that's not what is going on so why would you lie to him....listen, never once has my son even said he wanted to draw her a picture, he NEVER talks about her, Never asks to see her,said he didn't want the pictures she gave him of herself...I save everything so when he gets older he can see, but I will not be reading that letter to him the whole letter was lies to my kid and my husband and I have made it a point not to lie to him, think of me as you may. We don't go into detail about what her issues are with him, he wouldn't understand, but we don't lie when we have court we tell him what it's for, and he always says I hope we win! He knows court dates are about him and visitation, no point in lying to the kid, he is very smart/bright and would be angry at US later in life if we lied.
We put a lot into how we raise our children, I am VERY opinionated (pushy at times) and we strive to make sure Gino and Deezy know right from wrong; don't hit/punch/kick/bite, eat all of your food (I am oober strict about that, it's the only way to ensure proper nutrition), hugs and kisses, Gino loves to read, pick up your toys (even though I'm by no means a neat freak), say excuse me when gross noises come out of your body (I'm a kid at heart I still laugh but at least be polite), the list goes on. My husband is the good guy, he's not as strict as I am, however, we have had many talks about discipline and we back each-others decisions (at least in front of the kiddies). I am crazy when it comes to treating the children fairly and equally, I do realize Gino has had a rough first 5 years, but don't treat a child like they are damaged goods because they will act like they are. That may be something my husband and I disagree on most, but I stand by my belief because I went through a lot of what Gino went through, and treating a child like "damaged goods" will make them act like they are.
You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance. ~Franklin P. Jones
Lord knows my patience can ware thin at times, Gino has a tendency to whine when he isn't getting his way (something he picked up immediately when he started pre-school) why he thinks I will give in this time is beyond me, I never give in to whining, actually it gets you on time out. And good lord, Deezy gets into everything, hides EVERYTHING and has a serious nose for food. Honestly I thought I finished those thin mints a month ago and he comes into the kitchen holding two that he apparently hid somewhere, with a sneaky grin on his face! Gino and Deezy have two very different personalities, Gino is very sweet, almost always listens, helps out, and is shy. Deezy is a sweetheart with a "tude", mr. smarty pants really, he knows when he is doing something he is not supposed to and he'll back away from you, turn and run! He's a character, and a HUGE flirt, put just about any female in front of him and he whips out the smile and charm, very charismatic like his father. However, they both test my patience on a daily basis, but looking at those little dudes running around together and laughing is totally worth how much than can really push my buttons! If I wasn't worried about keeping my kids names/identities unknown I would be posting pictures, I AM that mom that takes a thousand pictures and brags about her kids and I am not ashamed to do so!
I am not a perfect mother, I learned many good and bad techniques of parenting from my parents. I am stricter than some, but not as strict as my parents. I want the best for my children, and expect a lot. I have high standards because I know their potential. I work everyday on being a more compassionate mother than mine was, hugs and kisses always, taking an interest in what happened at school because unlike at my parents house, I do want to hear. I tell my children multiple times every day I love them and that they are doing a good job with every little thing they do and accomplish (even if it's picking up their toys). I am not perfect, I have lessons to learn even though I have learned many lessons already. My kids teach me more than I could ever have imagined they would, it is amazing to watch their curiosity grow and change. At a young age they show their interests and a bit of what their adult personality will be like. I am a tough cookie, I expect a lot, but I love them with everything I've got, so much it makes me cry at times thinking about it, they grow so quickly and even when irritated I try and stop and think how amazing they are and how quickly they grow...Take a moment to appreciate every moment with them, the don't stay little forever.
"If you're gonna screw up, do it while you're young. Older you get, the harder it is to bounce back." Winston Groom
I always thought the most important thing in life for me was to play trumpet and get my music education degree, now that is still important to me but not as important as raising my munchkins. Two years ago, when we were getting sober, losing people that made that more difficult and trying to better ourselves for our children, my husbands mother did some really messed up and shady things to us. For one, she stole my trumpet and pawned it or threw it out...it's gone, at the time that was the most important thing to me, my father gave it to me. To this day, she still denies it, however it was in her house (which was actually my husbands apartment) and she and my husband were the only ones who had access to the house and my trumpet. It would be silly for that to be the only reason we don't have anything to do with his mother any more, there are way more serious reasons for that, but that is a little more private. However, I will NEVER put my children with a person that could make a false accusation and have them taken away, so if my husband decides he wants to make amends with that woman that is on him, I will support him with that and only that ( I would prefer that not happen because of how much she lies and how manipulative she is). She will not, I repeat will NOT have a relationship with these children, she is not a good role model, never was, not for her own kids and not for ours. Never said she didn't love them, she does, but love isn't enough ever to be honest, especially when you have brought negative things upon yourself MORE than once. I am a mother, I need to protect my children, and that means keeping them away from anyone that may affect their stability and happiness. Her past makes it more than extremely doubtful she will pull some garbage again if given the chance, it is my responsibility to make sure she does not have the chance, and my husband fully agrees with me, especially since she is still acting all "buddy buddy" with the other junkie "mother". Still seems to be in denial about why we are not speaking, she clearly has not learned from her mistakes.
"The only mistake in life is the lesson not learned." Albert Einstein
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